All along
by gracielou19
Summary: What if Jacob couldn't imprint. A twist to the first Kiss from Jacob in New Moon. B: I liked the way things were before he kissed me, everything was clear. Now I was confused.


This is my first time writing a fanfic so please correct me if I've missed anything.

This story begins just before the kiss from Jacob.

The beginning of this chapter is a mixture of Stephanie Myers writing and my own, and since I wrote this a long while ago I'm not sure which is which anymore without going and checking.

I don't take any credit for work that is not mine. I just want to share this story.

1. First Kiss

Suddenly, he was serious. He took my chin in his hand, holding it firmly so that I couldn't look away from his intent gaze.

"Until your heart stops beating, Bella," he said. "I'll be here - fighting. Don't forget that you have options." His eyes were concerned, he needn't be.

"I don't want options," I disagreed, trying to yank my chin free unsuccessfully. "And my heartbeats are numbered, Jacob. The time is almost gone." I tried to take his hand away from my face, it was useless.

His eyes narrowed. "All the more reason to fight - fight harder now, while I can," he whispered. It was uncomfortable having Jacob look straight in face with no other option but for me to return the favour.

"Let go Jake" I pleaded.

He still had my chin - his fingers holding too tight, till it hurt - and I saw the resolve form abruptly in his eyes.

"N -" I started to object, but it was too late.

His lips crushed mine, stopping my protest. He kissed me angrily, roughly, his other hand gripping tight around the back of my neck, making escape impossible. I shoved against his chest with all my strength, but he didn't even seem to notice. His mouth was soft, despite the anger, his lips moulding to mine in a warm, unfamiliar way.

I grabbed at his face, trying to push it away, failing again. He seemed to notice this time, though, and it aggravated him. His lips forced mine open, and I could feel his warm tongue trying to dance with mine.

Acting on instinct, I let my hands drop to my side, and shut down. I opened my eyes and didn't fight . . . just waited for him to stop.

It worked. The anger seemed to evaporate, and he pulled back to look at me. He pressed his lips softly to mine again, once, twice . . . a third time. I pretended I was a statue and waited.

Finally, he let go of my face and leaned away.

I fell to the floor, my head in my hands. Was I crying?

"Bella," he said alarmed. "What's the... Are you..." he was searching for the right question.

I was glad he didn't know what to ask, because I wouldn't have known how to answer. I was confused as to why Jacob would do such a thing, didn't he think of my feelings. I should have been furious with him, but instead I was filled with sadness and hurt. I was only angry at myself for being so weak, unable to hold myself together. I felt useless. He was so mean making me stare into his face when I didn't want too and kissing me when I didn't want that either. I had to gather myself, what was I going to tell Edward? I rubbed my chin relieved it was over.

Jacob was kneeling with me now, holding my head to his chest and had the nerve to put his other arm around my waist.

"Bella..." he was concerned but I was sure I could hear a smile. "I didn't know it would upset you like this, I'm so sorry." He apologised.

I looked hideous by now; my face was always red and splotchy when I cried. A part of me wished he would go away so I could wallow in my own misery. But another part of me wanted Jacob to stay and comfort me. Remembering that He made me happy when I was sad and I didn't want to imagine how I would feel if he left me now, even if he was the cause.

I wiped my eyes and let him help me up, his arm still around me. It was silent for a moment before he spoke.

"Are you all right?" Jacob stared at me with concern.

I looked down at my feet. "No, I don't think so." I was feeling very small.

Jacob helped me walk over to a large rock to use as a seat. "Bella, I'm sorry I made you cry." He was squatting down at my level again and used his thumb to wipe a tear of my cheek.

"Why did you do that Jake?!" I tried to sound angry.

He suppressed a laugh. "Because I needed to show you that you feel for me more than you know." He held my hands in my lap.

"Well I really wish you hadn't." I admitted.

"Is that because you didn't like it? Or because you liked it better than you thought you would?" he said fishing.

I pushed his hands of my lap, "I would like to go home now" I avoided the question and suppressed my sadness as I began to stand up and sighed.

"I'll get my car," he said calmly.

"No, thanks," I mumbled. "I think I should walk. I don't think Edward reading your mind is a good idea." I limply smiled and turned toward the road. It was only a few miles to the border. As soon as I got further away from him, Alice would see me. She'd send somebody to pick me up.

He grabbed my wrist to stop me "Just let me drive you home," Jacob insisted.

I looked at him worried. "But Jake..." he cut me off.

"I will run into him eventually and he's going to find out." He pointed out. "Please, let me drive you." he wasn't asking.

"I wish you weren't so pushy." I rubbed my wrist. I thought about walking anyway but I knew he would probably just pick me up and put me in the car. I didn't have it in me to argue, I felt weak and numb as I let Jake open the passenger door for me.

The whole ride home I was worried sick about how Edward would react when he read Jacobs mind and saw his mouth pressed up against mine. I began wringing my hands together as I remembered how Edward had said that Jacob's thoughts were shouting. I wondered if Edward knew this was going to happen, unless Jake hadn't planned it. I told myself that Edward didn't know. He wouldn't have let this happen.

I worried for Jacob, I wished I could control emotion like Jasper to calm Edward, or be strong like Emmet to break up the fight. I closed my eyes and wished that Jacob had never kissed me in the first place, but I knew no matter how hard I tried, it was useless.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Oh, c'mon," he said, all cheery and looking like he was about to start whistling. "That had to be better than kissing a rock." I guessed he would be on cloud nine.

I forced a smile as I looked out the window clutching my neck. I wasn't in the mood to joke. I was too worried. I loved them both, in different ways and I didn't want either of them to get hurt, physically or emotionally.

He pursed his lips. "You just need time."

I frowned. I didn't know what I needed. I felt like I had betrayed Edward, I let Jacob comfort me after he had kissed me. I should have been angry with him, repulsed. But I wasn't. There was only a wave of hurt and sadness that had washed over me.

He slowed the car to a crawl, turning to stare at me with his dark eyes wide and earnest. "Just think about how it could be, Bella," he urged in a soft, eager voice. "You wouldn't have to change anything for me. You know Charlie would be happy if you picked me. I could protect you just as well as that blood sucker of yours - maybe better. And I would make you happy, Bella. There's so much I could give you that he can't. I'll bet he couldn't even kiss you without hurting you. I would never, never hurt you, Bella." I rubbed my chin.

He sighed. "I'm sorry about that."

"Jacob, I can't be happy without him." I confessed.

"You've never tried," he disagreed. "When he left, you spent all your energy holding on to him. You could be happy if you let go. You could be happy with me."

"I don't want to be happy with anyone but him," I insisted.

"You'll never be able to be as sure of him as you are of me. He left you once, he could do it again."

"No, he will not," I said through my teeth. The pain of the memory bit into me like the lash of a whip. It made me want to hurt him back. "You left me once," I reminded him in a cold voice, thinking of the weeks he'd hidden from me, the words he'd said to me in the woods beside his home. . . .

"I never did," he argued hotly. "They told me I couldn't tell you - that it wasn't safe for you if we were together. But I never left, never! I used to run around your house at night - like I do now. Just making sure you were okay."

"What about when you find a girl you imprint on, then you would leave me." I had a very good point; there was no way he could deny this.

He chuckled, and kept a smile "You wouldn't have to worry about that." He looked out the window pleased. "That's not going to happen to me" he was smug.

"But you said..." I didn't continue, I just stared at his soft brown face confused. How could that work, how could he know he wasn't going to imprint.

"I was wrong, my great grandfather, grandfather and my father did not ever imprint." He stated now looking down at me. "It's not in my blood." He grinned from ear to ear.

I sighed heavily and looked over at him. "And what if you were wrong?" I challenged him.

"I'm not, I am never going to Imprint." He assured me, now taking my hand. "your the closest ill ever get to imprinting Bella."

I knew Edward would see Jacob's thoughts so I had to think long and hard before I spoke.

"I don't like knowing that I am the one that has caused you so much pain." I paused looking down at our hands. "I can't live without either of you"

He looked down at me confused, with a slight smile on his face.

"Just think about it, Bella."

"Please Jake." I pleaded putting my head in my hands.

He tucked my hair behind my ear, Edward was going to hate this.

"You will. Tonight. And I'll be thinking about you while you're thinking about me."

I liked the way things were before he kissed me, everything was clear. Now I was confused. I didn't want things to change. How could he force me to choose like this!

"Jacob, Edward is already going to kill you please don't make this worse."

"look Bella, I'm really sorry about making you cry" Jacob said, sounding almost sincere.

I groaned. The memory was uncomfortable.

Soon we pulled up out the front of my house, relieved that Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway. There was no way they could fight each other if anyone was home.

He let the Rabbit idle in front of the house, hesitating with an unsure expression.

I sighed. "It's ok Jacob. You can go home now, thanks for the lift."

I climbed out of the car awkwardly, heading for the house. The engine cut off behind me, and I was surprised to find Jacob by my side.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

"You should leave Jake, Edward will be here soon!" I looked at my wristwatch feeling detached from everything around me.

He rolled his eyes. He opened the front door and held it for me.

We walked silently past the front room where Charlie had fallen asleep on the sofa watching TV.

I froze as I heard the sound of an engine accelerating, the sound of Edwards car racing down the street. The brakes protested loudly as he slammed to a stop out front. I raced to open the door, as if I could stop him.

Edward was waiting patiently at the door, his eyes jet black.

"Bella," he pulled me towards him and held me close.

I sighed with relief as I leant into the familiar hug. I wasn't so anxious anymore, now that Edward was with me. I should have been worried though, Jake was right behind me.

He kissed my chin softly, and again once more. Then he stood very still. His jaw locked as I saw him read deeper into Jacobs mind.


End file.
